I haven't checked in on here in a while, but I assuredly have not been ghost from the web. The last you heard of me I was clearly going through and through. Let's just say, I'M OUT OF THE SITUATION.
I needed much clarity, and I have been reading a lot of personal growth blogs, books and material online. It has been quite an experience. One blog I have been reading for many years is Zen Habits (yea like who hashttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifn't read that) and The Art of Non-Conformity. But lately I have been reading new minimalist blogs and such.
One blogger that I have become particularly hooked on is Nikoya Johnson's site Shortieroc, she talks about challenging the norms, living freely and just taking a risk in life in general. One of her latest blog-posts (and I am writing this because the girl turned off the comments) she states that, "Technology is a powerful tool that is trying to liberate humanity from a form of slavery and limiting levels of consciousness. Are we smart enough to see that, or are we simply depleting its resources, just like we deplete and consume the resources of Mother Nature?"
That really made me think about my worth in the world. I admit I have not been the most giving person in my community, household or overall society, but I would not go so far to imply that the new "savior" of the universe is TECHNOLOGY?
Then I thought about when I was younger, horny and single - what helped me from sleeping around? A little technical device, that was conceptually created by none other than Cleopatra herself - the Vibrator.
Great point Nikoya.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Peices of Shit
I cant believe what is going on right now.
What the hell has my life morphed into?
Did I create this?
Our housemate is a peice of shit. Living here is a shit hole.. I dont know what the fuxk my man is... what he is doing or what is going on inside his head. SHIT.
Ive been smoking (well, inbetween my man and I) a pack of fucking $9 Newport Lights a day... (and its $12 in New York). That is such a waste, but right about now it's almost like I need that fucking pasifier to survive and deal with all the drama. Finiancial crisis, employment, iTunes, our company, and this FUCKING bitch whore that live with us in this HELL HOLE. I need to release. And Ive been drinkng like a damn FISHHHHHH.
It was so weird today, I looked in the history of my netbook and apparently my man has been going on the most freakiest porn sites on MY PC for the past month DAILY.. I was pissed as shit... and I let him know.... (I like to be included at least). I thought I was trying and succeeding at all of his FUCKING desires. I guess not. Men will always be men. Fucking ASSHOLES. I feel like my FUCKING head is going to explode right about now. I do not know what to do. I have been living in this boring ass, dead ass, town for 3 months now, and I feel like I just need to seriously get the fuck out.
Get Away.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Nocturnal Workout
I was so excited for my hubby to return home last night from his 24 hour business trip to Seattle.
I had only been without him for a full day, and when he returned it was like I had not seen him in a really, really long time. (Sappy, I know) but I am learning something here. This is what happens when you spend the majority of your life sex deprived and horny and confused: a sex feign and borderline addict. We have been together for 5 years and some days, I know we are together because we love each other and we believe we are soul mates and everything, etc., etc. But last night it was all about the sex. It was not about making love, not about a romantic night. Just hardcore action in the car first, then on our condo staircase, and... yea finally- in our bed. How does this virginal wife become so sexually adept? How does one go from not even liking to be touched (because she knows where it will lead too and is to fearful of the pain) be a converted woman with a sex drive of a porn star, or man for that matter?
I do not know the dynamics of why the change is so drastic, but I do know this. I came 5 times last night and it was great. I didn't even have to try. No oral, no prelude with a toy or extensive foreplay. Just straight up sex, strict and constant boa and cookie interaction- for about 5 hours.
I usually hate to have sex in the car, but he got turned on and I was already juicy- and once he reached down to touch my cookie and became aware of that fact, the boa wanted to come out to play. We just couldn't wait! Even though I'm practically bedridden today (and drugged up on tylenol) due to a sore hip and cracked neck, I have a glorious smile on my face.
I had only been without him for a full day, and when he returned it was like I had not seen him in a really, really long time. (Sappy, I know) but I am learning something here. This is what happens when you spend the majority of your life sex deprived and horny and confused: a sex feign and borderline addict. We have been together for 5 years and some days, I know we are together because we love each other and we believe we are soul mates and everything, etc., etc. But last night it was all about the sex. It was not about making love, not about a romantic night. Just hardcore action in the car first, then on our condo staircase, and... yea finally- in our bed. How does this virginal wife become so sexually adept? How does one go from not even liking to be touched (because she knows where it will lead too and is to fearful of the pain) be a converted woman with a sex drive of a porn star, or man for that matter?
I do not know the dynamics of why the change is so drastic, but I do know this. I came 5 times last night and it was great. I didn't even have to try. No oral, no prelude with a toy or extensive foreplay. Just straight up sex, strict and constant boa and cookie interaction- for about 5 hours.
I usually hate to have sex in the car, but he got turned on and I was already juicy- and once he reached down to touch my cookie and became aware of that fact, the boa wanted to come out to play. We just couldn't wait! Even though I'm practically bedridden today (and drugged up on tylenol) due to a sore hip and cracked neck, I have a glorious smile on my face.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
"It Hurts Bad, But It Feels So Good"
For me and my first time: excruciating.
It still hurts, even now. The difference now is that I can enjoy it, and end in a climatic height of pleasure 97% of the time- but it was not always like that in the beginning. I am one of the thousands of women who 1) experience severe pain during intercourse, 2) is relatively fearful of engaging in the act of sex due to the anticipation of the pain, 3) was in so much pain during sex that it literally felt as if my partner was pushing up against some solid wall on the inside of my cookie.
One night I was so troubled by the fact that my partner and I had not had sex or even attempted to have sex in almost 6 months. I knew I had to get help. Later that same night, Tyra Banks graced her presence on my TV monitor, bearing a message and story of tidings and good news. I watched in utter amusement, as she graciously walked through her TV audience, her long and golden tresses flowing, as she introduced the topic of her show for that day- and it was about sex. Specifically, women who could not have it due to significant pain. She was to have a series of several women come on stage and talk about their personal challenges during sex, and how they could not engage in or even think about sex without squinching, because they experienced so much pain. I was comforted about the fact that I was not the only one with a troubling sex life. These women were just like me, and were not able to have sex, or had a past were they were not able to have sex but could now due to professional help- both physically and mentally, to assist them to get over the pain.
This blog is inspired by the past that I experienced, and all that I have learned. I will write about my painful past, all the problems my partner and I went through, the victory to freedom, erotica, owning your own sexuality, and specifically the act of sex and its components including tantra.
Happy reading.
It still hurts, even now. The difference now is that I can enjoy it, and end in a climatic height of pleasure 97% of the time- but it was not always like that in the beginning. I am one of the thousands of women who 1) experience severe pain during intercourse, 2) is relatively fearful of engaging in the act of sex due to the anticipation of the pain, 3) was in so much pain during sex that it literally felt as if my partner was pushing up against some solid wall on the inside of my cookie.
One night I was so troubled by the fact that my partner and I had not had sex or even attempted to have sex in almost 6 months. I knew I had to get help. Later that same night, Tyra Banks graced her presence on my TV monitor, bearing a message and story of tidings and good news. I watched in utter amusement, as she graciously walked through her TV audience, her long and golden tresses flowing, as she introduced the topic of her show for that day- and it was about sex. Specifically, women who could not have it due to significant pain. She was to have a series of several women come on stage and talk about their personal challenges during sex, and how they could not engage in or even think about sex without squinching, because they experienced so much pain. I was comforted about the fact that I was not the only one with a troubling sex life. These women were just like me, and were not able to have sex, or had a past were they were not able to have sex but could now due to professional help- both physically and mentally, to assist them to get over the pain.
This blog is inspired by the past that I experienced, and all that I have learned. I will write about my painful past, all the problems my partner and I went through, the victory to freedom, erotica, owning your own sexuality, and specifically the act of sex and its components including tantra.
Happy reading.
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